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According to Bikes in the Fast Lane - Daily Motorcycle News, Beverly Hills Choppers donated a $250,000 pink custom-made motorcycle, covered with Swarovski crystals, to Paris Hilton. Why did they donate said bike? Who knows? Being rich and famous probably didn't hurt her case, though. However, that in itself is the most frustrating part. Why would someone who already had enough money to buy Uruguay need a freebie, and a $250,000 one at that? It just doesn't seem fair that some can have so much when others have so little.
Seeing as how even the slightest insinuation of taking away filthy-rich people's money to benefit others tends to make some clutch their obscenely expensive purses and others mutter "communist" under their breath, the logical solution seems clear: make a reality show out of it. After all, you can invade someone's privacy and make them appear a complete idiot, and they will still have a fan base that's bigger than that of the guy who invented the microwave. If Ashton Kutcher (à la Punk'd) got away with it, then anyone can.
The premise of this reality show is one that anyone can enjoy: take a group of bums and have them fight a rich celebrity for that celebrity's assets. If the bums win, they can walk with a chunk of the celebrity's most recent obscenely large earnings in tow. It would have to be a group of bums instead of one, because, obviously, celebrities must be handicapped in these situations; you never know who's been training with Billy Blanks or who will be wearing spiked heels. Besides, the idea is for the bums to win. Who really wants to see a celebrity keep their assets, especially if the reason they have them is because of making American Pie 6?
The show will also need a proper host, someone likeable enough to get away with murder (if it comes to that) and rich (or dumb) enough not to care that his salary is being sent to the Feed the Children's Fund. In short, the show will need Haley Joel Osment. That way, if any rich celebrity has a problem with being trampled by a horde of vagabonds, Haley can give them a dismayed pout, and they will be morally forced to comply to his will.
People will love the show because everyone wants to see the underdog win. Furthermore, the combination of a bizarre reality show and an embarrassed celebrity is an irresistible one. After all, wouldn't you rather see Paris Hilton elbow dropped by a bum than showing off a dress worth more than your house?
Now, you're probably thinking, "Why would a celebrity put themself through this?" Other than the guilt foisted upon them by Haley and wide-eyed children everywhere, the answer is simple: because of publicity. Not only do they get screen time, but they will also be praised as being generous human beings for letting a bum clobber them in exchange for some cash. They will undoubtedly make up all of the money they lost with the flood of movie offers they will receive.
Not only will the show entertain the masses and benefit the celebrities by way of publicity, it will strike enough fear into the rich that they will be less arrogant and easier to control. This benefits everyone. Eddie from Metro Seat #9 will have enough cash to rent himself an apartment, and Jessica Simpson will be forced to gain the critical thinking skills necessary to ponder whether she's really willing to fight for the death for a $5,000 pair of shoes. See? Everyone wins. And if worst comes to worst, just get Danny Bonaduce to be in it.
Zoe is planning the first male exploitation film...when she's not fighting for the oppressed.
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