Over three hundred years ago, Sir Isaac Newton developed the theories of motion and gravitation, and since 1686, we have followed these theories as guidelines in our daily lives. By definition, a theory is a speculative idea as to how or why something is done. Truth be told, what goes up almost always comes down. "Not so," says Radford University's department of physics.

The Chemistry/Physics department at RU has prepared a formal document to the National Institute of Science and the European Scientific Society of Physicists simply stating that Sir Isaac Newton was a liar and frankly a "babbling idiot." They came to this conclusion when an elite group of physics students came together and realized that the study of physics is just a bunch of bologna.

"When it all comes down to it, this is all just a bunch of crap," physics major Shawn Nobelize said. "I can't believe people are fed this junk and we all just take it."

In truth, many are "just taking it." In fact, the Federal Aviation Administration STILL contends that planes are held up because of their weight, lift and force. "To think that I wasted my entire career on physics! I could have been a rock star," FAA official Henry Lawrence said in a press conference yesterday.