I will be coming to RU this fall. I'm looking forward to it and all, except for one thing: my girlfriend. We've been dating for about eight months now and she won't be coming to RU with me. A lot of people have told me that I should save myself the trouble and break up with her now, because long distance relationships don't last. What do you think I should do?

Truly,
Don't Want to Let Go

Okays first lemme say welcome to our humble establishment that is the big RU. Second, I think your friends are pretty damn smart. Look, when you'se get here, your gonna be bombarded by the fine tail that tramps this campus. A ding dong will have less cream than you. Temptation is somthing that goes with the territory. I think finding a chick up here won't be a sweat, so unless you are like marriage involved it would be best to lay off with the honey before gettin here. Your best bet is to hold to as much ass as possible. If you got a girl that is willing to get down and find your chubb turtle than you've got to hold on to that string as long as possible. Nows I'm not saying long distance relationships don't last, because somtimes they do, but it's hard an' frustrating. (Or more like limp and frustrating.) So unless you plan on making hand jerky all the time, I suggest that the fish should be put back in the water and you should get your ass up here with a couple of m80's and do some fishin of your own. See ya next year.