A record-setting meeting time was achieved this past Monday when Radford University's Student Activities Budgeting Committee (SABC) unanimously decided, "What the hell!?" and granted each campus organization the amount of money it asked for.

"It was such a nice change to see students get what they deserve," SABC Student Representative Brian Korte proclaimed. "And dog-gonnit, it was fun granting them such a request."

One group that will benefit the most from this unprecedented decision is the Campus Activities Board, who has plans to bring in Kirk Cameron, Mindy Cohen, and "Brian" from TV's ALF. CAB's "Remember These Losers?" tour is expected to commence next fall.

Plans for Student Media involve the purchasing of Muse Hall for renovations. "Within five years, Muse will be the tallest media skyscraper on the East Coast," newly appointed Director of Student Media Jason Ellenburg said. "We are donating a private jet to each of the Student Media leaders for their hard work. May they get peanuts no more!"

Media wasn't the only group happy to hear the news, however; Student Government glowed at their newly purchased auditorium, located just west of the Dedmon Center. There, they can practice political rhetoric and can be the masters of their own universe. "We see this as a good thing," one SGA member said.

Club Programming did a bit of their own celebrating. "Now we can finally fund the 'Toenail Growers of America Club! Thank goodness we have the funding for such an important voice on this campus to be heard!," one representative said. "Freedom is here!"

Name: Jason MIller
Year: soph
Major: Social Science
Comments:
Hey you forgot to mention that the SABC Chair granted an extra 50 percent to the Kappa Delta Rho fraternity!

Name: Tom Selvey
Year: Junior
Major: Professional Irritant
Comments:
How about this. We'll buy Virginia Tech, and bulldoze the whole place. This way, when people ask where Radford University is we no longer have to say, "Right next to...Virginia Tech." Plus, it will be revenge for all the jokes, we keep our women, and we reign supreme in basketball forever. We'll leave the stadium though for Radford Football and to show dirty movies on the Jumboton their getting. Hee hee. We win!

Comments:
Too bad this campus doesn't have the fundage to help student organizations. Students don't seem to have any problem supporting the University's financial needs, so why can't the University find a way to financially support student needs, too? Seems like it should be a -way street. Funny article, though.

Comments:
Darn, no peanuts in that jet...phooey. :)